So. All the coaches and books talk about core wounds, and how they affect your life and keep coming back. I’ve thought my core wounds came from various past experiences, and I’ve worked through the emotions around them. Yet my life hasn’t really changed all that much. Isn’t it supposed to get better when you work through these things?
Recently, I became more determined than ever to build a better life for myself, one based on doing what lights me up, one that I would truly enjoy. Now, maybe I’ve finally worked through enough of those ‘past experiences’ to get to this place, or maybe I was just ready, but things I’ve read before and techniques I’ve used before but given up along the way have suddenly made a huge difference in how I perceive my life, and what I’m creating with it.
A few months ago I re-read the works of Florence Scovel Shinn. Then, I was listening to a podcast, and someone mentioned Summer McStravick and her Flowdreaming technique. I started practicing that again, and listening to Summer’s wonderful guided Flowdreams. Summer has a new book out called Stuff Nobody Taught You. I started reading that as well, and working through the journal prompts. Summer also suggested that it seemed like my writing was one of my true Gifts, and maybe it was time to get back on that horse (I’m paraphrasing) and start writing seriously again. And maybe recording my books for Audible again. Then, I had an introductory session with a wonderful coach (Kevin Carton) who suggested I re-read The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. This coach suggested that I try Bob Proctor’s 90-Day challenge, which is reading 4 specific chapters from this book (4, 7, 11, 14) every day for 90 days.
Let me tell you, something shifted. I’ve been doing all this work daily. And I realized that every single situation in my life, the ones that have bothered me, and kept me down when I thought about them, were based in thoughts of lack. If I really took a deep look into all my thoughts when I’m in the midst of depression, they’re all about something I don’t have. Money, love, courage, talent, persistence, patience, attention, feeling important to someone. They’re all based in thoughts of lack. And if the spiritual teachers and texts are to be believed, lack is an illusion.
A Course in Miracles tells us that God wants us to be joyful, and to have everything we need to thrive and grow in this world.
Florence Scovel Shinn tells us that there is only perfect health, wealth, love, and self-expression, perfect abundance, in Divine Mind.
Wallace D. Wattles says that anyone can be abundant and rich if they only think and act in a Certain Way (capitalizations are his). And Gratitude is everything.
Gratitude is how we stay close to God (Universe, Source, Goddess), and how we keep our minds out of lack-thinking and (for me, anyway) depression. (Thank you for this reminder, Mr. Wallace. I knew this, but had forgotten.)
So, in addition to the other work I’ve been doing, I’ve restarted my gratitude practice. Every night, as part of my bedtime routine, I write a list in my journal of 10 things I’m grateful for. They have to be 10 new things each night. It doesn’t matter how big or how small. Just 10 new things each night. I also find myself saying ‘thank you’ to the Universe a lot more throughout the day, in a completely organic manner. I used to have a practice wherein I would make ‘thank you’ my mantra on my walks. With every step, I’d say thank you. I’m going to make that my practice again, because it really does keep my mind in a happy place. And for that, I’m grateful. Thank you.
Lack has shown up in my life up till recently in so many ways. There is money, of course. That’s a big one for me, and the most obvious. But in all other areas of my life as well. My mother asks me most mornings what I have planned for the day, and until the other morning, I’d felt as if I were being attacked, that she was pointing out to me what a loser I was because I wasn’t doing anything productive with my life, even though I’ve been in extra pain lately and most of what I could do was rest. This time, instead of feeling angry, resentful, and attacked (or, while feeling these things, but wanting to move forward out of them) I asked her why she kept asking me about my plans for the day every morning. And guess what? It wasn’t an attack, and she wasn’t pointing out what a loser I was. She was making a connection, honestly wanting to know about my day, and hoping that I would ask about hers. (Connections like this are something I’m not good at. Hah! Lack thought!) That I was being attacked and put down was just my perception, based on the belief that the way I was living my life wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. This is lack. These thoughts are lack thoughts. ‘Not good enough’ is a LACK THOUGHT.
‘Not enough,’ is a lack thought.
‘Not important/unimportant,’ is a lack thought.
‘not loved/unloved,’ is a lack thought.
Pretty much all the niggling little thoughts that bring me down are lack thoughts. Do you know that even doubt and uncertainty are lack thoughts? (Thank you, Summer!). When I really dug into the thoughts causing me to doubt my dreams, doubt the life I want to create for myself, they were all based in lack. In ‘not enough.’ Huh.
Since I’ve been practicing the principles I mentioned above (Flowdreaming, gratitude, re-reading Florence and Wallace, etc), my life has begun to change in wonderful ways. I feel so, so much better about my life. I can more clearly see the life I want to create for myself, and I can feel much more strongly that it can happen for me. I can feel the energy of living it now. I feel happier in my body, and more joyful in all things. I am more easily able to speak up for what is important for me without getting hysterical (or not as much, anyway. My voice and I still shake).
And things outside my life are shifting, too. I can see people more clearly as the beautiful people that they are, without putting lack-based perceptions on them. (They won’t like me, they think I’m weird, I don’t dress nicely enough.) And I am getting more and more complements on every creative thing that I do, whether it be the clothes I make, the tattoos I have that I drew, the cake I baked for my mother and her friends. The Universe is telling me to go ahead, live that wonderful creative life I want for myself, and enjoy it! And maybe my creations do have value, and can bring joy to others. I feel lighter. I keep the idea that I am held and supported by the Universe in all things, including in being abundant, prosperous, and rich, in my mind, as well as Florence’s idea that there is only perfect health, wealth, love, and self-expression in Divine Mind. It’s even helping me through the pain. Who knew?
The point is, for me, there is a direct correlation between thoughts of lack and depression. And when I actively work on changing those thoughts (which Wallace says is one of the hardest things we can ever do), it truly does make a difference in my life. I’m not perfect. I slip up several hundred times a day. But I’m getting much better at catching when I do, and changing my thoughts. I am so grateful for the reminders I’ve received, and the techniques that are currently making such a difference in my life.
And I am writing seriously again. I am going forward with my novels (less than 20,000 words to the end of the current one!), and with this newsletter. I am working more seriously on art again. I have stepped up my efforts to make clothes I enjoy wearing. I am being more creative in all things. I feel wonderful! And whenever I encounter doubt or procrastination, I just remind myself that it’s because of lack thoughts, and I switch those thoughts up. And I move forward.
Thank you for reading.